Do you feel like a bad parent because you can’t connect with your teen? Do you feel like you don’t know who they are anymore? Are you at your wit’s end? You may have had a good relationship with them when they were younger, but now you’re scared that there’s no hope for regaining that close connection.

It is incredibly common for parents to feel like they don’t know how to connect with their teen anymore, but it doesn’t make it any less upsetting. You feel like you should be an expert at connecting with your child, but what used to work just makes things worse. You’ve been driving down this road for over a decade and could handle almost anything that came your way. All of a sudden you’re hydroplaning. You turn the wheel and the car doesn’t respond the way it should. When children become teenagers, it can feel like nothing makes sense anymore. Instead of moving forward in your relationship, you’re going backwards and out of control.

Every parent wants what is best for their child, whether they’re 6 years old or 16 years old. But when it comes to teenagers, trying to first figure out what’s going on and then help them can be incredibly difficult. You are aware that something’s going on… you can tell they’re unhappy or struggling with mental health issues. On top of being a teen and dealing with the typical hormonal, academic, and social changes, we live in a world where they are now dealing with social justice issues, politics, and the pandemic. They’re trying to navigate all of this when their own values might be clashing with the world around them. With everything going on, all you want is for your teen to be happy and successful. You’ve tried everything to help, but nothing’s working.

When it comes to teenagers, you can’t force control. There’s no way to make them listen or demand respect. Many people think respect is earned by offering the best guidance and direction. If you provide your teen with helpful information, they’ll listen, right? Yes and no. Earning respect is a lost art. There has to be a balance between guidance and nurturing, and that’s how you create the area of influence. It’s not about what the information is, but who gave it to them. They will listen to whomever they feel the safest with. You’ve probably heard that children need boundaries. But as teens, it’s a little more complicated. They need empathy and nurturing more than ever, even if they seem standoffish or “too cool”. Listen to them, share stories, and empathize with what they’re going through. You may know what’s best for them, but they’ll never listen to you if they don’t feel like they can trust you.

Therapy isn’t about turning your teen against you. It’s about nurturing a safe space where they can open up to a supportive adult who can help them make healthy decisions that are in their best interest. Rather getting questionable advice from friends, social media, or the internet, they’ll look inward to gain a better understanding of what is truly important to them. Therapy gives teens the opportunity to express their feelings and desires without being judged. They learn how to respect themselves and others, and gain the skills to communicate effectively. It not only improves their emotional well being, but their relationship with you, as well.