The ongoing pandemic has thrown a wrench into all of our lives, and this is especially true for parents of teenagers. On top of trying to connect with your teen, you now find that your teenager is struggling in ways that you never thought possible. Whether your teen is continuing to learn in person, has switched to online learning, or is doing a hybrid of both, these changes can not only affect their academic performance, but your relationship with them as well.
Warning Signs that Your Teen Might Be Struggling
It’s common for teens to disconnect from their parents, so it’s important to know the warning signs if your teen is having a difficult time keeping up with school. Every teenager is different and how they are adapting to learning during the pandemic varies greatly. Some students have discovered that they prefer online learning to in-person learning, while others are struggling to keep up when they were once high academic achievers.
Major changes in grades: Although low grades are typically an indicator of academic performance, it’s not always a good judgment of effort. So often poor grades are associated with a lack of effort. However this way of learning is new for everyone – including teachers. There is no one way to learn that best suits everyone, so perhaps online learning isn’t the best for your teen. Or maybe they’ve gotten used to the schedule and rhythm of going to class in person and being sedentary is affecting their learning.
Refusing to talk about how school is going: Maybe before Covid they would talk about school, give you longer answers to your questions, or be the one to start the conversation. But now you’re noticing that they only give you one or two word answers and are hesitant to bring up the subject.
Changes in sleeping patterns or eating habits: It’s not just the classrooms that have changed. If your student went from in-person learning to exclusively online learning, that’s a big physical change in their day to day life. They may have excelled in school previously and took pride in that, and now that they aren’t suited for online learning, it may make them feel depressed or anxious.
Spending less time with friends (even online): School isn’t just a place where students attend class. Social gatherings, talking about grades, study groups, etc. all influence how your child learns and their willingness to do better. Peer pressure isn’t always a bad thing – sometimes it leads to positive outcomes like healthy competition and ambition. When the social aspect of learning is taken away, it can negatively affect your teen’s ability to learn. If they went from being a high achiever to failing classes, they may feel embarrassed and want to spend less time engaging with their peers.
Your relationship with your teen has gotten worse: Do you find yourself arguing with your teen more? Are they actively shutting you out? If your teen is struggling in school, they might not want to share that with you, so they shut you out completely.
What You Can Do to Help Your Teen
I know it can feel overwhelming and hopeless right now, especially if you’ve tried so many different ways to approach your teen without any success. It’s important to remember that we are all still adjusting to this new way of living (even though it’s been over a year). Compassion with your teen and the ability to be flexible will go a long way.
When you find out your child hasn’t done well in a class, it’s instinctual to start with “you should have tried harder” or “why did you do so badly?” Instead ask your teen, “are there any classes you did well in?” or “are there any classes that you are enjoying?” It’s important to start the conversation as genuine interest in their wellbeing. As soon as you begin to scold your teen, they’ll get angry or shut down. It sends the message that you’re more interested in their grades than who they are as a person.
No one can excel in every aspect of their lives, so it’s important to highlight the positive aspects of school. Some subjects are always going to be more difficult than others no matter how much effort your teen puts in. So focus on what they do enjoy about school – a funny teacher, the friends in their class, the subject matter, etc. When they start to focus on the positives, they’ll feel better, want to perform better, and have an easier time connecting with you.
How Therapy Helps the Whole Family
Therapy for your teen gives parents a break from having to be the only adult(s) addressing these concerns. Someone else cares about your child and can help them to give you that sense of relief.
Your teen will learn how to communicate effectively, figure out what they like about school and what aspects of learning best suit them, and how to apply those skills in all areas of their life. As a therapist I listen to both your concerns and your teen’s in order to be a part of the whole system of your teen’s world. Therapy helps improve the overall health of the family system and teaches you skills and techniques to address academic problems together. Ready to get started? Contact Fernando today!
