Welcome back to my seventh blog post of my MasterClass blog series. I took Alicia Keys Teaches Songwriting and Producing and am excited to share with you everything I learned about life and mental health during this course.
Curiosity and Exploration
I’m always learning and excited to share. Curiosity allows you to connect to the curiosity of another. Curiosity is something that can manifest in both healthy and unhealthy ways. I would challenge you to recognize the areas of your life where you become curious and ask yourself if it’s healthy or unhealthy. Are you curious about a dream you have for yourself? Curiosity leads and guides us like a compass, so it’s important to check how your compass works and if it’s going to lead to positive growth and improvement. When you explore and try new things, does it make you happy? Or curiosity that is unhealthy and can harm you and your relationships. Are you looking into your significant other’s phone or email? That’s an unhealthy form of curiosity stemming from distrust.
When you feel yourself being curious about something, open yourself up to new experiences. Explore those feelings, learn more about yourself and what interests you, and try new things. The more varied opportunities we give ourselves outside of our comfort zone, the more we can learn about ourselves. A great way to keep track of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences is to start journaling.
How to Start Journaling
The death of Alicia Keys’s grandfather sparked something in her. She experienced grief in a way that she felt she needed to put it somewhere, so she wrote down her feelings, thoughts, experience, and grief into a journal, which blossomed into creativity and music.
Journaling can help you blossom. It might not be songwriting, but it is telling the story of your life. It can spark something in you that you didn’t know was there. You might become a book writer, or a better mother, father, sibling, friend, or a better version of yourself.
When people think of journaling, they think “how do I write something good?” But journaling is free and develops itself. There shouldn’t be a goal to create a masterpiece. It’s completely free and open to whatever thoughts pop into your head. Let the words flow out of you without being censored or edited.
Alicia Keys suggests starting with describing the most mundane parts of your life. What did you observe and how did you feel walking home from the store? What are the faces you see? What did you hear? After your first go at journaling, read back what you wrote. How did you paint the story and how vivid are you making it? Is it, “left my house, went to the store, bought what I needed, and went home”? Or is it, “I saw a gray bird sitting in a tree singing a sweet melody. Then a squirrel quickly bounded across the sidewalk. When I arrived at the store, it smelled like cleaner and the fluorescent lights were flickering. The cashier was smiling and chit-chatting with everyone in line, which made me feel a little happier than I had felt before.”
Journaling is a way to notice how you see and move through the world. It gives you a different perspective and makes things so much clearer. For a songwriter, musician, or anyone looking to learn more about and connect with themselves, journaling is an important tool.
Shifting Your Perspective Through Journaling
Humans have a tendency to focus on the negative. We often go to great lengths to describe painful experiences while we more shallowly describe the positive ones. If I have a client who is going through a really bad day, they will use 4-5 times as many words to describe negative circumstances as opposed to the positive ones. That’s why the negative experiences stay in our minds. Journaling is a way to shift the balance in terms of how we describe our experiences. I’m not saying that we should talk less about the sad things and more about the good things, but to remain balanced.
Every day is filled with good things, bad things, things in-between, and neutral things. When you journal, it allows you to reflect on all of your experiences. Not only is journaling a positive coping mechanism, it helps you understand and express yourself. To have your experience written out in front of you will help you navigate it. You’re not using your brain to remember everything but using your mind to process it. When you journal, you are significantly more self-aware and able to process things. You learn to treat yourself better through that art of writing freely. The version of yourself who journals is better than the version of you who doesn’t. It can be an inch or miles or lightyears of difference. I can’t tell you how much you’ll change through journaling, but I can guarantee that you’ll change in ways you didn’t expect.
Relaxing as a Form of Self-Improvement
Journaling and meditating have never been my natural way of being. But the data show how effective they both are when it comes to self-improvement, so it’s proof enough for me to broach that world and be an advocate. Even though it’s not innate in me, I know it’s so important for the work that I do. If you’re someone who doesn’t want to do those things, or don’t believe they’ll help, I can relate. That’s the feeling I get, but the data – and my own personal experiences – show that once you do it, you’ll see the benefits and results from journaling.
Unwinding and relaxing is as much of the self-improvement work as the work itself. Meditation helps me tap into my own intuition and perspectives that need to be heard. As a therapist, this applies to anyone regardless of their career. Most people live in a state where they work and rest from working, but never truly unwind or relax. They relax out of necessity but not by choice to understand their intuition, to live their life, or understand how life is living for them. If your free time is spent resting from exhaustion, then you may be overworking. Dedicated rest, reflection, and meditation are important to get to know yourself on a deeper level. As a therapist, I also need that time to be a good resource for my clients.
Living Life in the Moment
Alicia Keys approaches songwriting like journaling. She doesn’t like telling the song what it is or isn’t when she sits down to write because it stunts it from evolving into what it can be. She cultivates the evolution of what it is to become, rather than starting the process already determined what it is going to be.
We can apply that to ourselves, our lives, and our relationships. Often people decide the goal of their life, job, relationship, etc., rather than being aware of what it currently is. Predetermining the relationship can stunt it from what it can become. Being curious and allowing things to evolve to what they can be opens you up to great possibilities. If you plan and go out on a date, you might be thinking, “this is going to be the best date night!” That can either lead to disappointment, or doesn’t allow the date to evolve into something else that is potentially better. Alicia Keys approaches songwriting the way we should approach life: “this is what it is, whatever happens happens and let’s make the best of it.”
The Power of Yes and No
While it is important to be open to new experiences and having your experiences and life evolve naturally, it is equally important to understand the power of saying yes and no. Many artists describe the beginning of their career as ambitious, willing to do anything to just do the thing they love. So artists will say yes to any opportunity that comes their way because they’re grateful for that chance. But there are things that are draining and not good for you and not what you need to support your growth.
Being able to say yes and have opportunities and experiences is extremely important, but the power of no can be even a larger power and opportunity. No, this is not in my best interest. That can translate in so many ways – a job promotion, relationship, or new lifestyle. I very much encourage people to say yes and try new things to explore, but don’t dismiss the importance of also saying no to things that are not for you. Setting up healthy boundaries for self care and our lives is the power saying no. It’s important to set up healthy boundaries and say no to things that are not in your best interest or don’t support your growth – fiscally, emotionally, mentally. Before you say yes, think about if this opportunity will drain you of time that you can’t get back. The power of yes is your power. The power of NO is even bigger in claiming yourself.
Discipline as a Form of Self-Love
Saying no can be difficult and require discipline. Discipline is a form of self-love and self-respect. You can’t be great without putting in the time and effort. Even if you’re a natural at what you do, if you don’t put in the time and discipline, your dreams will remain as dreams. The only way to get better at something is to keep going and keep practicing. Everybody has to practice. Build your discipline and ability to keep going and putting in the time if it’s something you truly want. Discipline is a form of self love and self respect will help you turn those dreams into reality.
Become the Best Version of Yourself!
Therapy can help you connect with yourself on a deeper level so you can improve your life. If you are ready to change your life for the better, I offer a free 20-minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit. Contact Fernando Campos to get started.
